Is Fred Dead?
This story is about a frog. A frog named Fred. Some may decide I moved the relationship forward too quickly, even Fred might be feeling that way. I thought he liked it when I picked him up and rubbed his head! But others may believe Fred was a two-timing kinda guy who just couldn’t stay in the foot bath because he had a sexy frogette waiting for him to eat some flies. Or maybe, we polluted his habitat far beyond what he could handle to live his best life. We don’t know. We just don’t know. But what we do know, right now, is that Fred is missing.
Although Fred is a frog, his departure has spotlighted a few of the what-if questions that have been lingering for more than a few months. I question if my actions were the best course of action, or only the best course of action for me? I wonder if I acted from love or from fear? I ponder if there is something I could be doing or changing? If Fred would just come back to the foot bath, we could clear the air and start fresh!
At the close of 2019, I knew a substantial personal change was in motion. I had reached a wall with my work and lifestyle and knew that the next caro-lution was coming. For the first time in years, I took consecutive weeks off from work, returned to the country of my birth and dedicated myself to healing my root chakra. My desire? To get to a place where I believe, fully, that I have the right to be here. Or at the very least, to better understand how I am (and am not) living a purpose-driven life.
Far before the Rona put everyone in time-out, the what-if questions were swirling. I would actually say that my whole life has been filled with what-if questions. My mother used to tell me I worry too much. I think I was/am a step beyond worry… more like I worry too much because I believe I have the power to control things and then when I realize I can’t, I come back to worrying.
Heading into the 4th month of the year, I’ve shifted my purpose from trying to control or modify all those questions and queries and instead observe them and see what connects them. They all come from within me, so there must be an underlying pattern and message. And what better time then now to go deep? I am thankfully taking time, real time, to be quiet and still and fully observe all of the things that bubble up. Lots more to come on this.
For now, Fred is missing. I feel sad because I liked having his friendly, bug-eating face as part of my daily routine. Maybe Fred didn’t feel the same way. Either way, his departure has given me a bit more insight into my behavioral data trends.
